Balancing Work, Family and Working Out

I was asked by Nicole at MyFitFamily.com to share my thoughts about balancing work, family, and working out - here's my guest post. Enjoy!

I’m a New York based HR consultant to start-ups, a classical singer, a wife, and mother of 3 boys age 7 and under. I love to run, and just ran a big personal best in a recent 10K race. I’ve got the next fitness challenge in my sights: my first half marathon, coming up in September.

I get the question, “How do you do it all?” pretty often. I am really proud of my fitness accomplishments, and I’m humbled that people think I’m doing an OK job of juggling the jobs that I love, caring for my spouse and kids, and working out. So, when Nicole at MyFitFamily asked me to write a post about how I find my balance, I figured, OK! I’ll share what works for me, knowing one size definitely does not fit all, and giving the disclaimer that I sure don’t get it right all the time.

As moms, we do a great job of being responsible for our kiddos, and taking diligent care of them – but our own needs tend to take a back (rear-facing car) seat. Here are a few things to keep in mind as you set out to find the balance between work, child care, and self-care. One caveat is that I don’t think this advice applies to moms in that first year of parenthood. That first year is about the feed-change-laundry hamster wheel, snatching as much sleep as possible, and easing back into the workforce. Good for you if you manage to work out every now and again!

Make a Realistic Plan and Start Small

Sounds simple – but you need to make a tangible, specific plan that goes beyond, “I need to get back into shape.” Start with something realistic – if you work out zero days a week, you won’t succeed if you jump right into a brutal five-day workout schedule (even if you did that easily pre-kids). It’s not going to work with your job to do that anyway – you’ll exhaust yourself and burn out quickly.

Start with small changes that are compatible with your work week. You could try walking for 20 minutes two to three days a week at lunchtime, and then increase the frequency and intensity over time. Many of us don’t take lunch because we’re eager to jam as much work into the day as we can in order to get home to the kiddos faster. If that’s you, try incorporating something into the beginning or end of the day by adding short walks to your commute.

Be Accountable

Once you make your fitness plan, get a partner in crime or two. Tell someone about your goals. You need someone in your corner who will understand and support you, and who wants to hear you talk about your successes and challenges.

Get a workout buddy – maybe even a colleague. Hold each other accountable. You’re less likely to miss a workout if you know someone is counting on you to show up.

Start a friendly contest. Progressive companies are getting with the fitness program, and making the connection between fit employees and increased productivity. The Global Corporate Challenge  is a really fun way to cultivate a culture of fitness.

Plan On It

Plan your weekly workout schedule with the same diligence that you plan your work and children’s schedules – and be as determined to stick to the plan as you are about attending work meetings or taking your child to the doctor. You wouldn’t leave scheduling babysitting or play dates to chance – why not take the same care of your workout schedule?

I use Google Calendar so that I can see my work and family calendars in one place. And I put workouts on my work calendar, so they’re visible to my boss.

Add Time to Your Day

Like many other parents, I find myself wishing that I could add more time to the day – 24 hours doesn’t seem like nearly enough time to get everything done. Sad truth is that it isn’t. But you can add time to your day by waking up before your kids do, and working out then.

I live with 3 Extreme Early Risers, so at first, the idea of waking up even earlier than they do a few days a week sounded like torture. And it was. But I’ve now come to look forward to some quiet alone-time before the chaos of the day gets started. This is a tough one to start doing, especially if you have a long commute to work, but it’s worth it. You’ll need to get to bed earlier at night, but let’s admit it: who of us isn’t passing out at 9pm (OK, 8:30) on the couch anyway? Stop resisting, and just go to bed.

Make Self-Care a Priority

I struggled with this as a new working mom. I had this nagging guilty feeling every time that I did something for myself – whatever it was. There was this little voice inside my head chastising, selfish, selfish, selfish… Thing is – taking care of yourself is pretty much the opposite of selfish, even though that might feel counter-intuitive.

Prioritizing working out will help you stay healthier and more energized. You’ll get sick less frequently (really!) – resulting in better work productivity, and more quality time with the family. If you need more convincing, check out my Top Ten Reasons Working Moms Should Work Out. 

Get Professional Help

I didn’t run a great 10K race alone. I started working with an amazing running coach a few months ago. I made room in my budget for it by giving up the gym membership I was paying for but not using.

Self-investment is as important as self-care. If your budget allows, try getting a personal trainer, signing up for early-morning Pilates classes, or joining a gym (if you’re more diligent about going than I was). Or, just give yourself permission to hire a babysitter – there’s absolutely nothing wrong with hiring someone to look after your kids for an hour or so while you work out.

I hope these work/life balance hacks help you on your fitness journey!

TOP TEN REASONS WORKING MOMS SHOULD WORK OUT

Taking care of ourselves is about the least selfish thing we working moms can do.  But sometimes, we need to do some convincing – of ourselves, or of our partners and bosses, whose support we absolutely need to carve out the time to work out.  Here are my top 10 reasons we should work out – use them to pump yourself up, and to pave the way to get some time to yourself.

1)   Fewer Sick days.  Really!

2)   It’s good for your personal brand at work.  Face it: All the cool kids are doing it.

3)   You’ll model the fitness behavior. Making working out a regularly-occurring event in your household will normalize it for your children, hopefully inspiring them to do the same as they become adults. Bonus points – take a family hike or bike ride once per week.

4)   You need some non-work, non-kid time. Give your brain a break, and come back refreshed and ready to face the world. You’ll have more patience for the kids and mind-clarity for work.

5)   You’ll be a better partner. Working out is a great stress-buster, letting you enjoy quality time with your loved one.

6)   Better sleep. ‘Nuff said there.

7)   Improved overall health. Check with your doc before you start a new workout routine. And then watch those numbers go in the right direction.

8)   You’ll innovate.  I’ve gotten my best ideas and worked out tough work problems while running. Caution: Write down your ideas right away, as they’ll fly the coop when you get back to life as usual.

9)   You’ll feel more confident and in control.

10)      Last, but certainly not least:  working moms who work out are hot. Regardless of your fitness level, you’re going to feel sexier. That’s good for everyone involved.

THINKING ABOUT STARTING A JOB SEARCH? NOW’S THE TIME TO ASK FOR WHAT YOU WANT FROM YOUR CURRENT COMPANY.

Cross-post from Gray Scalable's Blog

Yes, I know this is surprising advice to hear from a recruiter, but hear me out.  Before you make up your mind to reach out to someone like me and make a job change, you should take a long look at your motivations and ask yourself:  If I could fix what’s broken, would I stay?

Why am I telling you this?  Because I also want to help my clients retain their top talent.  Because I’ve been the HR lady on the receiving end of the call from a shocked and surprised people manager lamenting that she wished she had known what was going on with her employee who just gave notice.  Because it’s almost always too late to try to keep someone after they’ve emotionally left the building. (Don’t get me started on the perils of counter-offers…on both sides of the equation.)  And because most of the time, good companies with experienced managers will do what it takes to retain their key people versus letting them leave – especially if it’s within reason, and especially if they don’t have a resignation-gun to their heads. 

So this is where it comes down to you: they won’t know what it would take to retain and motivate you unless you tell them.

I do think this is the perfect time to ask for that raise, some flexibility, or an internal transfer.  (People leaders – fear not – you want your employees to ask you for what they want.  It’s better to know what’s on their minds – so you can either help retain them, or give them the honest answer that they can’t find what they’re looking for with you.)

To figure this out for yourself, ask yourself these questions:

Is what I want realistic?
Make your wish list of things that would make you stay at your current company, prioritize them, and then think about whether each is possible where you are.  For example, if your job requires regular onsite meetings, or if your company’s culture values in-person collaboration over remote working, you can’t realistically expect to work from home on a regular basis.  But, if your company is more output-based, maybe you can work something out that would be a mean between the extremes.  

What’s the worst thing that happens if I do ask for what I want?
If you’re valued, and if you’re doing a good job (important ifs!), it’s unlikely that asking for something reasonable from a good manager will have a truly bad consequence – especially if you’re thinking about leaving anyway.  Definitely don’t make any threats – veiled or otherwise – about quitting if you don’t get what you want, but don’t be afraid to make a rational and business-oriented case for what it is you do want. 

If money weren’t a consideration, would I stay?
Sure, money’s always a consideration, as we’ve all got bills to pay, and we’d all like to have, well, more money.  But it’s probably the last thing you should think about when you think about changing jobs.  If you truly can’t get it out of your mind, and if you have done all of your (rational and business-oriented) research, consider asking for more money.  Your boss can’t read your mind, so at least give your company the opportunity to give you an honest answer as to whether or not more money is a possibility.   Just be careful what you wish for: nobody’s going to give you more without expecting more in return.  

Are there jobs available internally that I wouldn’t be qualified for in the external market?
Changing companies is not always the best way to care for your career progression and personal growth.  Think about whether you might want to make an internal transfer, or even change the course of your career path by switching fields.  Companies are more willing to take risks on known quantities.  Say you do great work in sales for example, but have been dying to try your hand at product or marketing - what harm would come from exploring the possibility of an internal transfer?  You’re not likely to be able to change lanes that radically in the external market.

So – tell them what you want.  And if they say no?  Maybe there’s a message there that it istime to go.  You can start your search with your list of priorities already in order.